What is life?

The past several days has been hell for me, I mean, I finally muster up enough courage to tell my friend I liked her, doing so Might and will permanently change our relationship, yet I have to, I need to move on to the next chapter. I can't hide behind the walls anymore. What she said previously had affect me in ways I didn't believe, she said I'll be alone forever and always, that's something really mean, I know I worked too much, I need to change, I have to at least take one day off and but can't rhymes with weekdays. Every single person I've been with, have the same opinion, I don't have time with them. 

Just as the scene of 'suits', one of the character who is an accountant have to start his life over, he came to the same conclusion that I've had, the amount of work I put into and the money I make is meaningless,  I barely know the guy living next door, my friends is my worker. He realize that and also emphasize it's meaningless, it's not what you do but it's who you spend the rest of your life with brings the meaning. The difference, he talk his first step and find his ways, I'm still having taken the initiative, standing still. What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Hmmmm

I am for once over work my body, yesterday I called her and realize she really didn't care, I definitely feel disappointed, sad for some reason, but deep down I know that she never said she love me anyways. But I decide to go to thee gym to run some steam out, which I forgot my lock, after searching for it for the longest time, I realize all these time I have been locking myself in for a person who didn't care. Why should I care for her anyways, might as well just forget about her by removing her contacts in total. So I won't contact her any more.

This morning I woke up with more energy actually happier than I can ever be. So strange, it's a feeling that I'm unchained! I'm happy but I don't know why!

Muscle and mind tired

So today all I did was ballistic stretches to lessen the tension off my left shoulder, even why I stretch its painful. Tomorrow is my gym session with trainer again, probably ill practice my posture tonight.

So finally I talk to her again well mainly trying to find out the personality testing book, which really got me thinking today, I wonder what kind of person I am, the conversation turned out to become how she vent out her frustration at me, and how I skipped our valentines day dinner while I work that night, why I didn't trust her and wait for her till end of march. I did however vent out some of my frustration at her, I don't want to be feel like I was just being played, I have nightmares about that and I woke up crying last night at 4:30 despite it being over, I still dream of her every now and then after the fact. I must not talk to her, or see her, I feel like I would loose myself, loose my control so that I will hold her in my arm and plant my lip on hers, to taste the sweetness, just as we stand there withstand the wind of autumn, the blizzard of winter, the rain of spring, with her, all I feel is the summer breeze.

Oh my goodness, not seeing her, then the lasting impression she'll have of me is the Jerk who gave her the worst valentines day gift ever, then end it via a text message.

Oh, happy dagger, talk to my heart, let no one wept for me as I drown myself in eternal darkness. For that, I'm a fool, a fool for her.

New day as a fitness beginner

So I have start this training and going to the gym as part of my weekly routine , even now I ate some fatty food, I will actually feel guilty. I'm tired but I'm eager to get to the gym. I actually can't wait to get started from my session with trainer Steve, we are suppose to monitor my dietary intake, but somehow I think it's hopeless, got to finish my questionnaire first!

So it's been a week I haven't talk to her, I hope this kinda thing will help her concentrate on the exam, even though I hate it a lot, but I have to do it, for her benefit. by the sign of her not replying, it would seem she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Probably according to her script i should disappear like that.她乃有一份未完結的愛, 為什麼要選我?為什麼? I can only describe my feeling by 好戲之人by 李克勤, 狠狠高聲說不喜歡你，走開好嗎不要再望，否則只可擁吻你.

又始至終我對她的愛都係一樣，只是恨我們有緣冇份，我不甘心，但總需在這短短時間畫上一個句號.

Ready to exploded

Oh my Freak'n mind! I am ready to exploded! Today my pride was stomped on, I am so freak'n losing it. I'm proud of what I do, if it's for charity I'll do it. But if you ever come in and think you can do what you want, I won't hesitate to show you the freak'n door and the bottom of my shoe!